Intellectual Intelligence Or Emotional Intelligence!
If I divide intelligence into 2 parts. Where 1st part is intellectual intelligence which is measured by IQ. And other part is emotional intelligence which is measured by EQ. Among this two, IQ is the part which is given more impotence and value by us. We all want our IQ to be the best and to be intellectually smart. Meaning we have to bring good grades, to have good memory, to understand things early and easily.
It’s good to think like this, but the problem is our success depends 20% on IQ whereas, the other 80% depends on EQ. Many research and studies confirmed, most of the people who had a low or an average IQ, but good EQ, has achieved huge success in their life. Whereas people who had good IQ with low EQ, has everything less in comparison. Like happiness, bank balance, good relationships etc.
Humans Are Not Truly Logical?
Most people think that humans are logical and rational creatures. But that’s not true. Because, most of the decisions we take are under emotional influence, not by logical influence.
Example If a person comes to know that his house is on fire and his family are still inside, reaching home, he wont think about the fire or his safety. Instead he will enter the house directly, without thinking about his life. Just to save his family. This is the power of emotion. Similarly, emotions play a very important role in every aspects of our life.
To be emotionally intelligent means, to understand your emotions and others and to handle it properly. The person who can understand others emotions and can influence them and be connected to them, that person can achieve anything in his life.
And the best part is we all can improve our emotional intelligence by learning it. But it’s not possible for IQ easily.
So today I’ll discuss 4 domain for improving your emotional intelligence.
1. Self Awareness
We all know a man or have seen in a reality shows, who thinks he is very talented, funny or can sing, dance or do anything. He feels that people like him and admire his talent. But the reality is opposite. He is living under the wrong impression. This was an example of not being self-aware.
Self awareness means, knowing our self clearly, about our strong and weak points, about our character, what is our motives etc. Since, we are talking about emotions, so in self-awareness, it will be like, more understanding and focusing on our emotions. Which sounds easy, even though it’s not that simple.
Example, most of the time we say bad things to others, due to anger but later we realize we behaved, due to anger, which was not right.
Emotional self-awareness means, always be informed about our feelings and not going with the flow of emotions. Always be aware about our anger and sadness, if the behavior of others makes us feel good or bad.
Self awareness is the most important part of emotional intelligence. Because unless you don’t understand your emotions properly, you don’t understand others as well.
2. Managing Emotions
A man was driving a car on was his way to home. Suddenly, a fast car passes by and over takes his car. It was so close, that he barely avoided an accident. This incident made him very angry. He started abusing that man loudly. But when he realized that man couldn’t hear him, he increased his car gear with full anger. And tried to catch up with his car, by taking the wrong side of the road. So that he could abuse him and shouted at him. But then a car suddenly came in front of him. He reverse his car with full speed, in order to avoid the clash. Due to which he faced a huge accident.
We humans usually don’t manage our emotions properly, especially anger. Because of which always something bad happens. Now, this sudden anger and emotions, we can’t eliminate it and we also shouldn’t. But yes, we can end the emotions as soon as it comes.
There is a technique by which we can do that. It’s called re-framing. Re-framing means to look at s negative situation with different a perspective.
For example, The anger of that car driver was normal and obvious. But instead of ending that anger, it increased, because he must have thought, that the person inside the car, was trying to act cool, smart or trying to show off. But if he framed that situation in other way like, maybe that person had some important work to do or maybe he was driving fast due to some medical emergency would be the reason of him driving fast.
His positive assumption could be entirely wrong. But re-framing the situation like this, would have handled his emotions in a positive way. Due to which he would have controlled his anger. And in the end he would have survived.
Similarly, we have to re-frame the negative situation into the positive to control or manage our anger. Without thinking about whether we are right or wrong.
A two-year old girl named Hope sees a child falling on the ground. She started crying and ran towards her mom. Hope cried because she felt the pain of that child.
Empathy means the ability to understanding and share the feelings of others.
Most of the criminal, rapist, psychopaths have one thing in common. They do not have empathy. They do not understand, how the victim was feeling, when they were harassing and torturing them. As per the test, psychopaths do not understand the difference between the normal word chair and emotionally impactful word death.
Having no empathy, isn’t bounded to criminals. Now a days we can only see the sympathy in all of us but not empathy.
Sympathy means to feel pity on someone. We can see in social media sites in many places where people shows sympathy for others. But those who have empathy for others, such people are rare. Who feel the pain of others and try to understand their feelings. They appreciate others emotions and also do something for them.
Empathy is one of the most important thing which will develop your emotional intelligence.
4. Building Relationships
At the time, when there was a war going on between America and Vietnam. In between a rice farm there was a road. On one side David, an American soldier was hiding along with his army. On the other side the Vietnam soldiers were hiding. Firing was going on from both side.
Suddenly, some Buddhist Monks came on the road and they were walking peacefully and calmly in the single line without looking right or left as if nothing was happening. Seeing this, firing ceased from both sides.
David felt really bad, after which he and his team did not feel like fighting. David says, that maybe the Vietnam soldiers felt the same, because even from their side, there was no firing at all. Then all the soldiers went back to their military base.
In this real story, none of the soldiers like fighting. Because emotions are contiguous, which easily transfers from one person to another.
Example, When a child or anyone looks at us with a smiling face. Automatically, we feel like smiling. That happens because our emotions are very impactful on others emotions. So if someone talks to you in anger, and in return if you also talk to that person in anger, then the entire conversation will be in anger. And the outcome will not be good. But, if someone talk to you in anger, still you talk to the person calmly and manage your emotion, then there will be higher chances, that it will control the other person anger as well.
I got the concept from the book named Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. It’s a pretty good book. And I’ve learnt so much from this book. If want it click the link given below.